.....
BOY!!!
Blake and I are so excited! Blake thought it was going to be a girl because both his brothers only have (a) girl(s). I am so excited that it's going to be a boy because I want a little Blake (Blake was the cutest baby!)
It was very apparent on the ultrasound that it is healthy, little boy weighing about 14 ounces. I still can't believe that a little human is growing inside of me.
I am not going to lie. This pregnancy has been the HARDEST, physically, emotionally demanding thing I have ever experienced in my life (and that's saying a lot). I am still not feeling good but my nausea is so much better than the first four months. Like even today, I have been nauseated since 2:30 and I threw up tonight. My stomach hurts on and off everyday.
I seriously don't think I can do this again in the future. I wanted to have as many kids as I could physically and emotionally handle. I am only HALF-WAY through this pregnancy and it's still kicking my butt. When I talk to other mothers, they say you forget about the first part of your nauseated pregnancy. I just don't think I will ever forget how sick I feel. This pregnancy is so MISERABLE... I HATE feeling this way.
Growing up I have had lots of energy to live life. I have always enjoyed being active, working out, and eating lots of food. I still can't go to the grocery store, make food, or be hardly active because of how sick I feel. Just recently (like a month), I have been able to go on walks with Blake in the evenings. I still don't have an appetite and I have to force myself to eat (I gag multiple times everyday when I think, see, or smell certain foods).
I am sorry that I am vomiting all this information, but I just have an emotional need to do so. I mean I really am grateful to be pregnant, don't get me wrong. I knew I would get sick, but it's so much easier said than done. Everyday for the past 5 months, I wake up and stay home. If I feel good then I try to do my little projects around the house. There's no family around, and I do have friends in the ward but it's not the same. It's hard to be sick and be home by myself. Luckily, I have such a loving, supportive husband who is so kind and willing to help me out. My favorite part of the day is when he comes home and we are together.
I know everyone says that this will be worth it but 9 months of sickness really sucks.
I wish this time could go by faster. It's hard to not be able to feel like myself. I have to live one day at a time and look for the positive.
On a side note: Apollo hangs out with me all day. Apollo doesn't like to cuddle me during the day when Blake is gone. But after Blake gets home, Apollo has to sit like on top of me. Apollo gets really jealous when Blake and I sit on the couch together... that always brings a smile to my face no matter what. :)
